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The best jokes and joke writers!

New Porsche

A 15-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?"He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?!" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me $15." The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for $15?!" they asked. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "Don't know her name. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for $15." "Oh my goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for $15 and demanded to know why she did it. 

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

Ole & Lena Reveal Unfaithful Moments

After years of marriage, Ole and Lena found themselves in bed one night. Lena leaned over to Ole and said, "Ole, have you ever been unfaithful during all our years of marriage?" "Not even once!" exclaimed Ole. "Lena, have you ever been unfaithful?" "Well, er, yes --- but only three times," she admitted somewhat embarrassed. "Hmmm, three times?" questioned Ole. "That's not so bad. Do you remember those three times? Can you tell me when?" "Well, Ole, do you remember when you wanted to build the store and you had a hard time getting approval from the City Council?" asked Lena. "That was the first time." "And, do you remember when you wanted to build an addition, but had to get the okay from the building inspector?" she asked. "That was the second time." "OK, Lena, when was the third time?" queried Ole? "The third time was " Lena paused. "Do you remember when you were running for president of the Sons of Norway and you needed 125 votes?"

Frenchman Kills His Wife

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, "Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?"

Drunk Husband

Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."

Blue Silk Pajamas

A man calls his wife and says to her, "Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime, my boss invited me on a week long fishing trip. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?"

"Sure, honey," his wife answers.

"Oh, and could you please pack my blue silk pajamas?"

"Sure, honey," his wife answers again.

The man came home, picked up his things, and left off for the week. He returned a week later, smiling. His wife met him at the front door.

"So honey, how was your fishing trip?"

"It was great" the husband answered, "but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

"No I didn't," said his wife. "They were in your tacklebox."