Jumping the Gun

I went to a crematorium to plan my wife's funeral, but apparently she has to be dead first.

Playboy's New Magazine

After Hugh Hefner passed, Playboy management decided to introduce a new magazine for men who are married. Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.

Cheating Wifes

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."