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The best jokes and joke writers!

Country Tunes

  • Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
  • Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
  • Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
  • How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
  • I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life!
  • Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling!
  • Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
  • I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
  • I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
  • I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
  • If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
  • My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
  • Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
  • She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

Redneck Gets Married

This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn't know what to do. He's fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, "Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s'pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!"

So he got his bowling ball and threw it in the outhouse!

32 Hillbillies

Q: What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?

A: A full set of teeth!

Hit By a Bus

A little kid comes running into the backyard.

He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"

"Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."

Redneck Census Form!

The official year 2014 Redneck Census Form:

Last name:_______________________First name: (Check appropriate box)(_)Billy-Bob(_)Billy-Joe(_)Billy-Ray(_)Billy-Sue(_)Billy-Mae(_)Billy-Jack

What does everyone call you?(_)Booger(_)Bubba(_)Junior(_)Sissy(_)Other____________

Age:____ (if unsure,guess) Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure

Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:(Check appropriate box)(_)Farmer(_)Mechanic(_)Hair Dresser(_)Unemployed(_)Dirty Politician(_)Preacher

Spouse'sName:_____________2nd Spouse's Name:_______________3rd Spouse's Name:_______________Lover'sName:_______________

Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)(_)Sister(_)Brother(_)Aunt(_)Uncle(_)Cousin (_)Mother(_)Father(_)Son(_)Daughter(_)Pet

Number of children living in the home:_____Number of the children living in the shed:_____Number that are yours:_____

Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Father's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

(Check appropriate box)Total number of vehicles you own:___Number of vehicles that still crank:___Number of vehicles in front yard:___Number of vehicles in the back yard:___Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___

Firearms you own and where you keep them:____truck____bedroom____bathroom____kitchen____shed

Model and year of your pickup:196_Do you have a gun rack?(_)Yes (_)No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:(_)The National Enquirer(_)The Globe(_)TV Guide(_)Soap Opera Digest(_)Rifle and Shotgun

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:___Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:____

How often do you bathe?(_)Weekly(_)Monthly(_)Not Applicable

Color of eyes: Left_____ Right_____

Color of hair:(_)Blond(_)Black(_)Red(_)Brown(_)White(_)Clairol

Color of teeth:(_)White(_)Yellow(_)BrownishYellow(_)Brown(_)Black(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?(_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)just a whoop-and-a-holler(_)road?