Redneck Jokes - Hillbilly Jokes

• Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.
• Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern.
• Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick.
• Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
• Cache - Needed when you go to da store.
• Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name.
• Terminal - Time to call da undertaker.
• Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
• Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
• Diskette - A female Disco dancer.
• Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.
• Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
• Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
• Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
• Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food.
• Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.
• Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
• Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
• Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
• Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
• Rom - Where the pope lives.
• Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.
• Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
• Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
• Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.

Q: What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?

A: A full set of teeth!

A little kid comes running into the backyard.

He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"

"Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."

Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?  "Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb.".  The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."  She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."

"Now spell 'stupid'.  "Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."  The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."  Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."

Then the teacher called on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell 'dictate'."  Buckwheat stands up and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."  The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence."  "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

The official year 2014 Redneck Census Form:

Last name:_______________________First name: (Check appropriate box)(_)Billy-Bob(_)Billy-Joe(_)Billy-Ray(_)Billy-Sue(_)Billy-Mae(_)Billy-Jack

What does everyone call you?(_)Booger(_)Bubba(_)Junior(_)Sissy(_)Other____________

Age:____ (if unsure,guess) Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure

Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:(Check appropriate box)(_)Farmer(_)Mechanic(_)Hair Dresser(_)Unemployed(_)Dirty Politician(_)Preacher

Spouse'sName:_____________2nd Spouse's Name:_______________3rd Spouse's Name:_______________Lover'sName:_______________

Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)(_)Sister(_)Brother(_)Aunt(_)Uncle(_)Cousin (_)Mother(_)Father(_)Son(_)Daughter(_)Pet

Number of children living in the home:_____Number of the children living in the shed:_____Number that are yours:_____

Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Father's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

(Check appropriate box)Total number of vehicles you own:___Number of vehicles that still crank:___Number of vehicles in front yard:___Number of vehicles in the back yard:___Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___

Firearms you own and where you keep them:____truck____bedroom____bathroom____kitchen____shed

Model and year of your pickup:196_Do you have a gun rack?(_)Yes (_)No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:(_)The National Enquirer(_)The Globe(_)TV Guide(_)Soap Opera Digest(_)Rifle and Shotgun

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:___Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:____

How often do you bathe?(_)Weekly(_)Monthly(_)Not Applicable

Color of eyes: Left_____ Right_____

Color of hair:(_)Blond(_)Black(_)Red(_)Brown(_)White(_)Clairol

Color of teeth:(_)White(_)Yellow(_)BrownishYellow(_)Brown(_)Black(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?(_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)just a whoop-and-a-holler(_)road?