There was a NY reporter stuck in a small West Virginia mountain town. He decided to use the time by getting a good story to submit to his boss. He saw an old man sitting outside a local store and went over to begin the interview. "Sir, I'm writing a story about people in this area and would like to include an interesting story from you. Is there any particular story that you would like to share?" The old hillbilly smiled to himself as he thought back on a time. "Well, thar was the time I lost my sheep. We gathered up a bunch of the boys, got some moonshine in us and went off after it. When we found the sheep, we all took turns screwing it....my, that was fun!" The reporter couldn't write a story about that so he asked for another. "Well, when my neighbor's wife got lost, we all gathered up and got drunk and went out to look for her. We had a good time taking turns with her when we found her, too. Damn that was a lot of fun!" The reporter was frustrated. "Sir, I can't submit a story like that. Maybe you oughta tell me about a not so fun time you had." "Well," the hillbilly said as he fidgited in his chair, he looked up at the reporter with a pained expression, "thar was that time "I" got lost..."
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor. He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
Q: What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?
A: A full set of teeth!
Hit By a Bus
A little kid comes running into the backyard.
He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"
"Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."
Buckwheat 'n Darla
Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'? "Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb.". The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."
"Now spell 'stupid'. "Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d." The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."
Then the teacher called on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell 'dictate'." Buckwheat stands up and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate." The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence." "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"