There was an old hermit couple living on a mountain until one day the mans wife died. Everything was fine for about three months but he got lonely so he went down the mountain to the town and went into the bar. He sat down and ordered a beer and asked the bartender, "Hey do 'ya have any women?" The bartender said, "No but we have big Joe." The man said, "I ain't like that" and stormed off back to the mountain. Three more months go by and the man decides to try asking again. He comes into the bar and says, "Hey do you have any women yet?" The bartender said, "No, just big Joe," so the man said, "I ain't like that" and again stormed out. After a year or so the old man decided to try once more so he goes down the mountain, into the bar and asks if they have any women. The bartender gave the usual reply, "Just big Joe." The old hermit said, "No I ain't like that," but stayed and had a few drinks. He asked the bartender, "If I were to do this thing with big Joe who all would know?" The bartender said, "Well me and you and big Joe of course and those two large men over there." The old hermit was taken back and said, "Why those two?" The bartender replied, "Well, somebody has to hold down big Joe, he ain't like that either."
Whom Do You Trust?
A redneck returns to the doctors after having some tests and asks what the results were. The doctor explains that he has some bad news, in fact, the patient is HIV positive. "Hell, " says the man, "You can't trust anybody nowadays, not even your own kids!"
Q: What do you call foreplay in Alabama?
A: 'Hey sis, you awake?'
Mountain Men and Loose Women
Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."
Q: What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?
A: A full set of teeth!