Looking For A Job

Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough consultants."
Applicant: "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor."
Employer: "More than we can use already."
Applicant: As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do   paperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many, I'll start as a janitor."
Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications."
Applicant: As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a seat, we may have an opening."

First Question

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.  Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question".

Horse Country

A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up:  "Mister, watch what you say. You're in horse country."