Knock Knock - Kiss
Jimmy a little kiss!
Q: What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?
A: It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.
Q: What's the best part about Valentines Day?
A: The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."
A woman was taking a nap one afternoon. When she work up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think the dream means?”
“You’ll find out tonight,” he said.
That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “How to interpret your Dreams."