Q: Do you have a date for this Valentine's day?
A: Yes, her name is Emma. Emma Gination.
My dissapointed wife called me from her work phone the day after Valentine's Day. She said, "Three of the girls in the office received flowers yesterday. They are absolutely gorgeous."
I said, "Well that's probably why they received flowers then."
A romantic Irishman named Paddy picked up a dozen valentines day roses for his girlfriend. He made a surprise visit to her house and rang her bell. When she opened the door and saw Paddy with the roses she smiled and gave Paddy a big kiss. Then she pulled Paddy into her apartment, seductively got undressed, sat on the couch and spread her legs wide. She said, Paddy, this is for the roses. Paddy said, Don't be silly, you must have a vase somewhere.
Q: What did the French pastry chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A: A hug and a quiche!
As an easy way to save money, a young couple decided that every time they have sex the husband would put his pocket change into a piggy bank on the nightstand. On Valentine's night, he was unusually athletic and accidentally knocked the piggy bank off the table and it broke into pieces on the floor.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten and even twenty dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the paper money?", to his wife which replied, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."