Relationship Jokes

Hillary and Chelsea were having a deep heart to heart talk about Chelsea's college experiences.

Hillary: So have you found dating to be fulfilling experience?

Chelsea: It's okay, but I don't like how the boys sometimes act like real sex hounds.

Hillary: Well, uh, have you, uh, actually had sex?

Chelsea: Well Mom, no, not IF you define sex the way Daddy does.

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwartz is dead!"

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed.

He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O, you said that might hurt!"