Busted

Caught my wife having sex with my best friend.
She can pack her bags and get out and he's going back to the dog shelter.

Farmer Johnson

Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife, "Maude, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones." "Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies."But I want you to, Maude." "But why?" Maude asks."Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"

Backup Needed

I'm not saying my girlfriend is promiscuous, but when she goes to the gynecologist, it's a two man job.