Relationship Jokes

He Will Just Have To Use The Ashtray

Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. This startles her so that she drops the vase,  ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out,  "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just  from Wal-Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"

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Anonymous

Young Wife

Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

Anonymous

K9 Passing

My girlfriend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog.
She was furious, she said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

Anonymous