Marriage Quotes

Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
 In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

Who's Your Daddy

A teenage boy comes home and announces that he wants to marry the girl next door, Jane Jones. His father takes him aside and says, “I’m sorry , son, but years ago I was having an affair with Jane’s mother and I got her pregnant. You can’t marry her because she’s your half-sister.” A month later the son comes home and announces that he wants to marry a girl up the street, Sarah Smith. Again his father confesses that he once had an affair with Mrs . Smith, and that Sarah is in fact another half-sister. A month later the son announces his engagement to Amy Armstrong, but once more his father confesses that Amy is in fact another of his daughters. The son complains to his mother. “Dad’s driving me crazy,” he says. “Every time I fall in love with a girl it turns out she’s one of Dad’s daughters.” “Oh pay no attention to him,” says his mother. “It’s not like he’s your real father.”

How Did He Look?

A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions, but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?" "Well, yes, I actually did once." "And how did your husband look?" "Angry, very angry." At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex, that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?" "He was looking through the window at us!"