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The best jokes and joke writers!

Phone Call

"Hi Mom, it's me." "Hi Sally, are you okay? I thought you were with your father at the hardware store, looking for a drill." "Yeah, I was, but I got arrested and they've let me make one phone call, and that's why I'm calling you." "Oh my God, what happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the face." "What on earth . . . Why did you do that?"

"Well, it really wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black and Decker. Mom, I knocked the shit out of her!"

Appliance Store

A blonde woman walks into a store and asks the clerk about the TV in the corner. The clerk says, "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes." Irritated, the woman goes home and dyes her hair black. The next day she comes back and asks again. The clerk again says, "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes." Furious, the woman goes home and dyes her hair red this time. The next day she goes to the store and there's a different clerk there. She asks the clerk about the TV. The clerk replies, "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes." The woman asks him, "How did you know I am a blonde?"  The clerk says, "Because that's not a TV, it's a microwave."

Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.  The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.  He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.  Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing.  This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.  This time the blonde laughed even harder.  Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.  The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.  The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Blonde - Last Request

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.  She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."  Suddenly the brunette yells, "Earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.  She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."The redhead then screams, "Tornado!!"  Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "Fire!!"

Speeding

A police officer stopped a blonde for speeding and asked her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"