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The best jokes and joke writers!

Redneck Date

You know you're a red neck when you go to family reunions to pick up chicks!

32 Hillbillies

Q: What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?

A: A full set of teeth!

Why Rednecks have low Stress

Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they don't understand the seriousness of most medical terminology

Medical Term :  Redneck Definition

Artery : The study of paintings

Bacteria : Back door to cafeteria

Barium : What doctors do when patients die

Benign : What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section : A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan : Searching for Kitty

Cauterize : Made eye contact with her

Colic : A sheep dog

Coma : A punctuation mark

Dilate : To live long

Enema : Not a friend

Fester : Quicker than someone else

Fibula : A small lie

Impotent : Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain : Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff : A Doctor's cane

Morbid : A higher offer

Nitrates : Rates of Pay for Working at Night

Node : I knew it

Outpatient : A person who has fainted

Pelvis : Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative : A letter carrier

Recovery Room : Place to do upholstery

Rectum : Nearly killed him

Secretion : Hiding something

Seizure : Roman Emperor

Tablet : A small table

Terminal Illness : Getting sick at the airport

Tumor : One plus one more

Urine : Opposite of you're out

Elevator Magic

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!" While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out. The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"

Big Joe

There was an old hermit couple living on a mountain until one day the mans wife died. Everything was fine for about three months but he got lonely so he went down the mountain to the town and went into the bar. He sat down and ordered a beer and asked the bartender, "Hey do 'ya have any women?" The bartender said, "No but we have big Joe." The man said, "I ain't like that" and stormed off back to the mountain. Three more months go by and the man decides to try asking again. He comes into the bar and says, "Hey do you have any women yet?" The bartender said, "No, just big Joe," so the man said, "I ain't like that" and again stormed out. After a year or so the old man decided to try once more so he goes down the mountain, into the bar and asks if they have any women. The bartender gave the usual reply, "Just big Joe." The old hermit said, "No I ain't like that," but stayed and had a few drinks. He asked the bartender, "If I were to do this thing with big Joe who all would know?" The bartender said, "Well me and you and big Joe of course and those two large men over there." The old hermit was taken back and said, "Why those two?" The bartender replied, "Well, somebody has to hold down big Joe, he ain't like that either."