You know you're a red neck when you go to family reunions to pick up chicks!
Q: What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?
A: A full set of teeth!
Why Rednecks have low Stress
Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they don't understand the seriousness of most medical terminology
Medical Term : Redneck Definition
Artery : The study of paintings
Bacteria : Back door to cafeteria
Barium : What doctors do when patients die
Benign : What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section : A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan : Searching for Kitty
Cauterize : Made eye contact with her
Colic : A sheep dog
Coma : A punctuation mark
Dilate : To live long
Enema : Not a friend
Fester : Quicker than someone else
Fibula : A small lie
Impotent : Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain : Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff : A Doctor's cane
Morbid : A higher offer
Nitrates : Rates of Pay for Working at Night
Node : I knew it
Outpatient : A person who has fainted
Pelvis : Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative : A letter carrier
Recovery Room : Place to do upholstery
Rectum : Nearly killed him
Secretion : Hiding something
Seizure : Roman Emperor
Tablet : A small table
Terminal Illness : Getting sick at the airport
Tumor : One plus one more
Urine : Opposite of you're out
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!" While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out. The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"
There was an old hermit couple living on a mountain until one day the mans wife died. Everything was fine for about three months but he got lonely so he went down the mountain to the town and went into the bar. He sat down and ordered a beer and asked the bartender, "Hey do 'ya have any women?" The bartender said, "No but we have big Joe." The man said, "I ain't like that" and stormed off back to the mountain. Three more months go by and the man decides to try asking again. He comes into the bar and says, "Hey do you have any women yet?" The bartender said, "No, just big Joe," so the man said, "I ain't like that" and again stormed out. After a year or so the old man decided to try once more so he goes down the mountain, into the bar and asks if they have any women. The bartender gave the usual reply, "Just big Joe." The old hermit said, "No I ain't like that," but stayed and had a few drinks. He asked the bartender, "If I were to do this thing with big Joe who all would know?" The bartender said, "Well me and you and big Joe of course and those two large men over there." The old hermit was taken back and said, "Why those two?" The bartender replied, "Well, somebody has to hold down big Joe, he ain't like that either."