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Three Redneck Lies

  1. The pickup is paid for.
  2. I won this belt buckle in the rodeo.
  3. I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

Redneck One Liners Continued

You might be a redneck if...

  • More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
  • You think the stock market has a fence around it.
  • You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
  • You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
  • Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
  • Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
  • Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
  • You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
  • You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
  • Your home has more miles on it than your car.

More You Might Be A Redneck

You might be a redneck if...

  • You have guns in your house that you cannot find.
  • You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.
  • You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
  • You've got more guns "On Display" than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.
  • You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
  • Your horse wears shoes, but you don't.
  • It doesn't bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.
  • You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.
  • You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.
  • Your dog is your alarm clock.

Iowa Tractor Stop

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?

A: Prom.

On The Side

Q: What do you call a redneck's mistress.

A: A second cousin.