Word Play Jokes

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The ward nurse passes by and sees the man getting a little distraught so she marches over to inquire what is wrong. "Nurse," he mumbles, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse she is undaunted. She whips back the bedclothes, pulls down his pajama trousers, moves his penis out of the way, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas, replaces the bedclothes and announces, "Nothing is wrong with them." At this the man pulls off his oxygen mask and asks again, "Are my test results back?"

Q: What is the definition of a Robin?

A: A bird who steals!

A friend of mine has an 18 year old son named Leroy. He attends Oakland High School where they teach ebonics as a second language. Last week he was given an easy homework assignment; all he had to do was put each of the following words into a sentence.

1. Rectum: I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady rectum both.
2. Hotel: I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the hotel everybody!
3. Odyssey: I told my bro, you odyssey the jugs on this hoe.
4. Stain: My mother-in-law axed me if I was stain for dinner again.
5. Seldom: My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game so I seldom.
6. Penis: I  went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said penis!
7. Catacomb: Don King was at the fight the other night, man, somebody give that catacomb.
8. Forclose: If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money forclose.
9. Undermind: There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment undermine.
10. Tripoli: I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn't fine no tripoli.
11. Disappointment: My parole officer told me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the big house.
12. Income: I just got in bed wit dee hoe then income my wife
13. Honor: At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, who be honor first?
14. Fortify: I axed da hoe how much, and she says "Fortify".
15. Israel: Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said "man, that looks fake!" He said "No! Israel!"
    Needless to say Leroy got an A.

Q: Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

A: He wanted to tie the score.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel?" The pirate says, "Arrrr! It drives me nuts!"