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The best jokes and joke writers!

Misunderstood

My lesbian friends got me a Rolex for my birthday.

I don't think they understood when I said "I wanna watch."

Pirate Wheel

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel?" The pirate says, "Arrrr! It drives me nuts!"

DNR

A husband and wife were sitting at home when the husband suddenly said, "Honey, just so you know, I never want to be kept alive in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So the wife got up, pulled the plug on the T.V. and threw out all of his beer.

Difference Between Roast Beef and Pea Soup

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A: Anyone can roast beef, but nobody can pee soup!

Elephant

Q: What goes up slowly and comes down quickly?

A: An elephant in an elevator!