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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Butcher's Wife

Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?

A: Meet Patty.

Grandma's Strudel

An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours.

Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks, "I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother's strudel."

"No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now."

"I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?" the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.

One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. "Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries.

"I'm very sorry, grandfather, she says you can't have any, it's for the funeral!"

It Was So Tall

A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country.
"There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!" "Oh, my God!" says his friend. "Surely he must have died!" "Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!"

Shady Dog

Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?

A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!

Orange and Banana

Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who?

Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who?

Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who?

Knock Knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say Banana!