College Burger Joint Conversations Nationwide

M.I.T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend." "Have some fries."
Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend." "Have some fries."
Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today." "Have some fries."
Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith." "Cool! Me too! Have some fries."
Swarthmore: "I got a B." "Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."
Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend." "Poor dear. Have some Escargot."
Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?" "Nope. Have some fries."
Williams: "Don't I know you?" "Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."
Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend." "Bummer. Have some fries."
Columbia: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school." "Me too. Let's go get shot."
Penn: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school." "Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."
Stanford: "Dude, I have so much work this weekend." "Like, chill out, dude. Have some, like, fries."
Dartmouth: "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend." "Have some beer."
Tufts: "I wish I were Ivy League." "Here, drink the fry grease."

Black Santa

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. Instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple kool-aid.

Redneck Groceries

If your wife asks you to get some groceries, and you put on camoflage and grab a shotgun, you might be a redneck.