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The best jokes and joke writers!

Old Fishermen

Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way

Fisherman's Ode

Two old men were fishing off a bridge as they had done daily for many years. Suddenly a funeral procession came down the road. The one old man reeled in his line, lain down his pole, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up his pole and started fishing again. The other fisherman was amazed and stated "I didn't know you were that religious." The other looked at him and said "Least I could do, we've been married 42 years!"

Business and Fishing

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. "You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!" The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?" "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer. "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said. "And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!" Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?" The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!" The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"

Texan in Canada

A Texas oil tycoon is in northern Canada for a vacation and has booked a day of fishing on the Great Slave Lake. The guide says they will start out on the lake at sun up, two am. As they start out the guide says, “Have you ever seen such a long day?” The Texan lights a cigar and says, “Sonny, the sun never sets on Texas, it’s God’s country”

As they head out across The Great Slave, the tenth largest in the world, the guide asks, “Have you ever fished on a lake a big as this?” The Texan puffs on his cigar and says, “Sonny, back in Texas this would just be a pond.”

Finally they arrive at the fishing ground. They set their gear and the Texan reels in a few nice ones then he hooks a big one. The fight goes on for hours. Finally he reels it close enough to the boat to see that it is a monster, the biggest he has ever seen. In his mind he already sees it mounted over his fireplace, a trophy to brag to his friends about. The guide muscles the boat into the boat and turns to the Texan with a smile, “Have you ever seen a trout this big?”

Unable to resist, the Texan shrugs and says, “Why, Sonny, back in Texas we throw little ones like that back.” 

The guide smiles and drops the fish back into the lake. “We do the same thing here in Canada.”

Pub Fishing

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing. “Fishing”, replied the old man. Poor old fool, thought the gentlemen. So, he decided he would invite the old man to have a drink in the pub. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, “And, how many have you caught today?” 

“You're the sixth,” he answered.