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The best jokes and joke writers!

Save Me

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

Drawing God

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Praying to Cross a Lake

Three guys had to cross a lake. The first one prayed to God for the strength, he swam across the lake, but almost died 5 times. The second guy prayed to God for the strength and the tools, he made a boat, and rowed himself across the lake, he almost died 3 times. The third guy prayed to God for the strength, the tools, and the brains. He turned into a girl, walked 4 yards, and crossed the bridge.

Investment Advice

Q: Why shouldn't you invest in Muslim-owned businesses?

A: They never show a prophet.

Bad Catholic Joke

Three men meet up on the deck of the rapidly sinking Titanic, a Lawyer, a Catholic Priest and a Social Worker. They notice that there are only three seats left on the last lifeboat and there are three children standing nearby. Social worker - "We should give these seats to the children". Lawyer - "Dont be stupid, fuck the children!" Catholic priest - "Do you really think we've got time?"