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The best jokes and joke writers!

Scripture Saves the Day

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.") As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"

What Am I?

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Black Convert

Q: Why did the black man convert to Catholicism?

A: So he could finally have a father.

First Black Man

Q: What did God say when he made the first black man?

A: "Damn, I burnt one."

Zebra Question

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. When checking in, he tells St. Peter, "Say, I have always wanted to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes."

St. Peter, "I can't answer that question... but see God walking around over there? Ask him."

Zebra goes to God, "God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

God looks at the zebra sagely and states, "You are what you are."

Frustrated, the zebra returns to St. Peter. "What did He say?" asks St. Peter.

"Oh," replies the zebra. "He just said, 'You are what you are,' and I still don't know whether I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes."

"Oh, that's easy," says St. Peter. "You are white with black stripes."

"How do you know?" asks the zebra. "Well," says St. Peter, "if you were black with white stripes he would have said 'you is what you is.'"