Religion Jokes

A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk. "What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Pope. The visitor said, "Wow, how much is a call?" The Pope answered, "$2,000 per minute." A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk. "What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Prime Minister. The visitor asked "How much is a call?" The Prime Minister said "20 cents per minute." The astonished visitor said, "It can't be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2,000 per minute." The Prime Minister answered, "That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call."

God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before you create a masterpiece.

A college student was approached by two guys in white shirts and nice ties riding bicycles. Immediately the college dude knew where this was going and he was already running late to class. So, he asked the two guys if they wanted a sip of his coffee. They replied, "No, we Mormons don't believe in drinking coffee." The college dude quickly argues, "A cup of coffee this early in the morning has incredible benefits." "Like what?" replied the Mormons. "Well, It keeps you from being Mormon." "Have a nice day sir," and they left.

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here!"

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese!"  "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese you're all the same," replied Spielberg.  

In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me!"

The Chinese man, replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same!"

A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles - or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, they got the cow from Minsk. It was a great cow; it had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all day. Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi what to do. After all he was very wise.They told him the story.

"Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the right. What do we do?"

The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

"Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?"

The Rabbi said, sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."