We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

First Black Man

Q: What did God say when he made the first black man?

A: "Damn, I burnt one."

Nuns First Hot Dog

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the Mother Superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The Mother Superior is first to open hers. Staring at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Jews in Mexico?

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican replies, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”

The Numbers of The Beast

OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast. But did you know that:

  • 660 - Approximate number of the Beast
  • DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
  • 666.0000 - Number of the High Precision Beast
  • 0.666 - Number of the Millibeast
  • 66 - Beast Common Denominator
  • 666 ^ (-1) - Imaginary number of the Beast
  • 1010011010 - Binary of the Beast
  • 6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
  • 1-666 - Area code of the Beast
  • 00666 - Zip code of the Beast
  • 1-900-666-0666: - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
  • $665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
  • $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
  • $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
  • $656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
  • $646.66 - Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
  • Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast
  • Route 666 - Way of the Beast
  • 666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
  • 666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
  • 666 mg - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
  • 6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
  • Lotus 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast
  • Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast
  • i66686 - CPU of the Beast
  • 666i - BMW of the Beast
  • DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
  • 668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast

Haircut Before a Trip

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump!? That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me." "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?" He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?