I met Denzel Washington once.
I kept yelling, "Hey, Denzel," and he kept saying, "I'm not Denzel, you fucking racist!" Oh man, classic Denzel.
Q: What's a lesbian dinosaur?
A: lickalotofpuss !
Q: What's a gay dinosaur?
A: lickdicknopuss !
Star Wars - One Liners
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?"
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
My wife says we should spice up our sex life with some stuff from 50 Shades of Grey.
First, she wants me to become a billionaire.
My friend Oscar met Leonardo DiCaprio and told him a joke.
He didn't get it.