One-Liner Jokes

Q: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?

A: Bamboo

I'D LOVE TO BUT:

• I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
• I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
• I have to floss my pets.
• I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
• I want to spend more time with my blender.
• I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
• I'm building a pig from a kit.
• I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
• I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
• I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
• .I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
• I'm staying home to work on my mottled yogurt sculptures.
• I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
• I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
• I've got plans to go downtown to try on gloves.
• It's my parakeet's bowling night.
• My patent is pending.
• The nice man on television told me to say tuned.

If sex with two other people is a threesome, and sex with three others is a foursome, then I guess that makes me handsome.

Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.

I met Denzel Washington once.

I kept yelling, "Hey, Denzel," and he kept saying, "I'm not Denzel, you fucking racist!" Oh man, classic Denzel.