White House Ghosts
One night Biden was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Biden asked.
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Biden asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Biden didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country," Biden asked. Abe replied, "Go to the theater."
1) On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, NM, an incident they say has been covered up by the military. On March 31, 1948, exactly nine months after that day, Al Gore was born. That clears up a lot of things.
2) What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
3) I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me -- they were cramming for their finals!
4) If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
5) If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
6) I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
7) Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Ocasio-Cortez purchased an AM radio so she could listen to political talk shows.
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
As part of her 'Green New Deal', Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez recently suggested that we should be harvesting more energy from the sun. She proposed a fleet of conventional rockets loaded with special solar batteries that would travel to the Sun and collect energy. Scientists challenged her plan suggesting that the ships would burn-up before they even got close!" Ocasio-Cortez responded, "DUH . . . Not if you go at night!"
Obama On Halloween
Q: Why did Obama dress as a ghost for Halloween?
A: He wanted to see what it was like to be white for a day!