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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bar Offense

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Trump hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. Donald Trump is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached." The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!" "Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down." "That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?" "Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says. "Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says. So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda." "Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."

Dad's Will

A man was telling his buddy "You won't believe what happened last night.
 
My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.  Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.  Then, disown me and never talk to me again.  Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
 
"Wow," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
 
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that.  She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend -- Mohammed.  We're going to work together on Hilary's election campaign!'"
 

Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and Al Gore

Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.

Now they're in heaven, and God is sitting on the great golden throne.

God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the internal combustion engine is the root of all evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things, and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain, but not inhaling." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Obama. "Barack Obama, what do you believe in?" Obama said, "I believe you're in my chair."

Physician's Opinion Of ObamaCare

Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it.”

A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."

That pretty well sums it up!

No Sex Hillary

A recent article in the Washington Post reported that Hillary Clinton sued Walter Reed Hospital, saying that after her husband Bill had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "President Clinton was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"