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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bill Clinton Jogging

Bill Clinton started jogging near his home in Chappaqua, New York.  But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.  He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"  And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog!  As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the former Secretary of State.  As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.  

Sure enough, there was the hooker!  Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.  

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled...“See what you get for five bucks!?"

The Definition of Sex

Hillary and Chelsea were having a deep heart to heart talk about Chelsea's college experiences.

Hillary: So have you found dating to be fulfilling experience?

Chelsea: It's okay, but I don't like how the boys sometimes act like real sex hounds.

Hillary: Well, uh, have you, uh, actually had sex?

Chelsea: Well Mom, no, not IF you define sex the way Daddy does.

Fake News

President Trump invited top religious leaders to Mar-a-Lago for a meeting. While having lunch at the beach cafe, a gust of wind blew the Pope's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet into the ocean, then the wind died down. The press couldn't believe their good fortune as they captured it all on video. The water was quite deep so the Mar-a-Lago staff and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to retrieve it, when Trump waved them off saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it.”

Then Trump calmly stepped off the dock and walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, stepped back on the dock, and handed the Pope his hat.

Everyone at the event was speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope. But that afternoon, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN & MSNBC reported:

"TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!”

Cortez Radio

Ocasio-Cortez purchased an AM radio so she could listen to political talk shows.

It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

 

Cortez Sunshine

As part of her 'Green New Deal', Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez recently suggested that we should be harvesting more energy from the sun.  She proposed a fleet of conventional rockets loaded with special solar batteries that would travel to the Sun and collect energy. Scientists challenged her plan suggesting that the ships would burn-up before they even got close!"  Ocasio-Cortez responded, "DUH . . . Not if you go at night!"