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The best jokes and joke writers!

Obama On Halloween

Q: Why did Obama dress as a ghost for Halloween? 

A: He wanted to see what it was like to be white for a day!

Hillary's Tough Questions

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says. "And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

"I have three questions," he says.

"1st -- why didn't you send help to our people in Benghazi?

2nd -- why did you risk our national security by using a non-protected consumer grade email account? Were you hiding something?

3rd -- With your poor health history of fainting & blacking out, how could you possibly handle stressful situations in hot crowded rooms as President?

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.

Hillary points to him and asks, "And what is your question?

"I have five questions," he says.

"1st -- why didn't you send help to our people in Benghazi?

2nd -- why did you risk our national security by using a non-protected consumer grade email account? Were you hiding something?

3rd -- With your poor health history of fainting & blacking out, how could you possibly handle stressful situations in hot crowded rooms as President?

4th -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"

And 5th -- where's Kenneth?"

The Barber

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord. "The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door. Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community. "The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer. Then, a House of Representatives member came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country."The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 House Democrats in front of the door.

Obama Value Meal

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

KISS

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor's dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

He calls animal control. Animal control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 for testing it for diseases. The governor goes to the hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and getting his bite wound bandaged.

The running trail gets shut down for six months while the California Fish and Game Department conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals. The governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a 'coyote awareness program' for residents of the area. The Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world. The governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training, re: the nature of coyotes. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.

The governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and tries to attack him and his dog. The governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging.

The governor spent 50 cents on a .380-caliber, hollow-point cartridge. Buzzards ate the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.