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The best jokes and joke writers!

Texas Sheriff Exam

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department. 

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.

We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot:

six illegal aliens,

six lawyers,

six meth dealers,

six Muslim extremists,

six Democrats,

and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.

"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

Kamala Inspiration

Q: Is Kamala Harris a role model?

A: Yes, she is an inspiration to young girls showing that if you sleep with the right powerfully connected men then you too can play second fiddle to a man with dementia. It's basically a Cinderella story.

The Barber

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord. "The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door. Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community. "The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer. Then, a House of Representatives member came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country."The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 House Democrats in front of the door.

Clinton Bumper Stickers

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:

  • HONK! If you had sex with the President
  • Clinton: We forgive you...Now Resign!
  • Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
  • Adultery IS NOT a family value
  • Does character matter YET?
  • One More Whore And We Get Gore
  • Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
  • My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
  • Jail to the Chief
  • Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
  • The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
  • If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
  • Save the President: Legalize Perjury
  • Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
  • Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

President's Panties Patch

Perplexed White House staffers see Bill Clinton walk into the Oval Office with a pair of woman's panties pinned to his sleeve. As the day wears on, several VIPs go in and out of the Oval Office, each one leaving with a puzzled expression. Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton's loyal secretary, walks into the office and gently closes the door behind her. "Mr. President," she says. "We're all quite concerned that you seem to be wearing a woman's pair of panties on your arm." "Oh no," the President grins, "it's the patch. I'm trying to quit."