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The best jokes and joke writers!

Tell Me!

A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.

"You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm!" he yelled.

"How can I?" she shot back. "You're never here!"

Involuntary Muscle Contraction

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.  This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.  He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,  "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably golfing with his buddies."

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

The Talking Banana

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?

A: Why the hell are you shaking? Shes gonna eat me!

Professional Fisherman

Q: What do you call a professional fisherman?

A: A master baiter.

Research Paper Excuses

A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects: 1) A certified medical excuse, or 2) A death in the student's immediate family.

A smart-ass student raised his hand and asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" As expected, this caused an explosion of laughter.

After the class had settled down, the professor froze the student with a glaring look and said, "Well, in that case, I guess you would just have to learn how to write with your other hand."