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The best jokes and joke writers!

What's She Got...?

An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis. "What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

Construction Sign

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".
The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate. The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!?! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!'' The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''

Jay Leno Jokes!

Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show...

  • Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills are telling teenage girls that taking the pill can help clear up their skin. Do you think that's true? I think there is a better chance of clearing up the boyfriend's skin.
  • Fashion experts say that President Bush is helping bring back cowboy boots and cowboy hats. See, so it is not just for male strippers anymore.
  • LeAnn Rimes apologized to fans for the quality of her new album. Isn't that unbelievable? If LeAnn Rimes has to apologize for her album, what the heck is Kathie Lee going to do, commit suicide?
  • In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hugh Hefner admitted having 7 girlfriends, one for each night of the week... Someone should tell him those are called nurses. He said they all have sex together in the same bed. He said Viagra makes it possible, I think money makes it possible!
  • Surgeons in Britain amputated the hand of the world's first hand transplant patient because the guy requested it, after his body rejected it. How depressing is that? It's bad enough getting rejected by women, but guys, when your own hand turns you down?
  • According to a new government report, the military is running out of bullets. We are running out of ammunition! Oh good, let's tell our enemies. That's what I love about our country, you can't tell your sexual preference in the Navy, but you can tell our enemies we're running out of ammunition. "We don't have any bullets, and I can't tell you if I'm gay."

S & M

My wife and I are into S & M she sleeps and I masturbate.

General Drug Store

A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?" The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?"