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The best jokes and joke writers!

Single Guys..

Q: If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day, what do single guys have?

A: Palm Sunday.

Meet the Father

A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl. That means no sex before marriage. But he doesn't care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.

"Hello, sir, I'm here to ask for your daughter's hand"

A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks "And why is that?"

The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh... "Well, its just that mine have gotten tired."

Research Paper Excuses

A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects: 1) A certified medical excuse, or 2) A death in the student's immediate family.

A smart-ass student raised his hand and asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" As expected, this caused an explosion of laughter.

After the class had settled down, the professor froze the student with a glaring look and said, "Well, in that case, I guess you would just have to learn how to write with your other hand."

What's She Got...?

An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis. "What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

A Cheese Sandwich.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50

Chicken Sandwich: $2.50

Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"