Sex Jokes

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?

A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

A tourist walking through Cairo asks the time from an old man standing next to a camel. The old man grabs the camel’s balls lifts them up and says, “It is now noon.” The tourist is very impressed. He goes back to his hotel and tells a fellow guest that he’s met an old man who can tell the time by the weight of his camel’s balls. Next day both of them go to the man and ask him the time. The old man lifts the camel’s balls and says, “It is half past nine.” This is correct, and the two tourists go back to the hotel and tell a third guest of their discovery. Next day all three go to the old man to ask the time and, again, the old man obliges by feeling the camel’s balls. “Say,” says the first tourist. “That’s such a great trick. Can you teach me how to do it?” “Certainly,” says the old man. “First you must grasp the testicles of the camel…” The tourist does so. “Then you must raise them to the belly of the camel…” the tourist does so. “Then you must part the two testicles with your thumbs…” The tourist does so. “And in this way we have clear view of the big clock in the tobacco shop’s window…”

Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage. "Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10, where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job and you'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine." Mr. Smith is impressed, Bruce has put so much thought into this.

"Well Bruce, It seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little prick is 'adorable.'..
 

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwartz is dead!"

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

A: His hand caught fire.