Women's Rights

WOMEN'S RIGHTS
The following took place at an international conference for women's rights.
The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." (The crowd cheered).
The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well. (The crowd again cheered).
The third speaker, a Jamaican lady, stood up and said," After lass year's conference, I wen home and tole dat lazy husband of mines, Dingo Jack, dat I was froo pickin up his beer cans, cookin his tucker and washing his undaweah and dat he was goin to haf to do dem himself. (The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes). She continued... "Afta da first day, I nevah see nuffing. Afta da second day I nevah see nuffing,  but afta da fird day, I could see a little bit out of my leff eye."

Female Translator

• Yes = No
• No = Yes
• Maybe = No
• I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
• We need = I want...
• It's your decision = correct decision should be obvious by now.
• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
• We need to talk = I need to complain
• Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
• You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
• You're certainly attentive = is sex all you ever think about?
• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
• This kitchen is so = want a new house.
• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
• Am I fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
• Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.
• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
• (In response to "What's wrong?")The same old thing = Nothing
• Nothing = Everything
• Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an idiot!

Mountain Men and Loose Women

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose women' ya always hear about." "You don't say."  said the first man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."