We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Fresh Air

You're a breath of fresh air, just like my asthma inhaler!

Touché

A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!?!"

Date Creep

Man: To make a woman laugh is the second best method to get her to sleep with you.

Woman: And what is the best method?

Man: Chloroform.

Woman: You are funny!

Man: Good choice.

Irish Pick-up Line

You must be from Ireland ... because my baloney pony is Dublin every time I think about you!

My Friends Call Me Bubba

A seasoned EMC sales manager boarded his Delta flight in CVG and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman coming down the isle. He soon realized she was heading for the seat next to him.  Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," he said. "What kind of myths?" "Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait." "Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry", she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."