Female Sex Change
Q: What do you call a female sex change?
A: An addadictomy.
The Worm Hole!
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole. "The grandfather smiles. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole. "The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars ... then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?" The grandfather replies, "Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!"
A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy. The teacher tells him to go down to the principal's office, to phone his mum, and ask her what he should do about it. He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom" she says. "I did" he says. "She told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
One day a kid asks his mom if he can take a shower with her. She says, "Sure son, but don't look up and don't look down." As they're taking a shower and the kid reaches up for the soap and he says, "Woo mama! What are those?" She says, "Those are my headlights." The kid says "Ahh." Then he drops the soap and bends down to get it and he says, "Woo mama! What is that?" and she replies back with, "That is my garage." The kid says "Ahh." The next day he asks his dad if he can take a shower with him. The kid does. As he's scrubbing himself with the soap, he drops it. When he picks it up he says, "Woo daddy! What is that?" The father replies back, "That's my limousine." That night he asks his parents if he could sleep with them and they say, "Sure, just don't look under the covers." Then in the middle of the night he decides to take a peek. And he says "Wooo mama! Look, daddy is parking his limousine in your garage!"
CD & Intercourse
Q: What is the difference between a Certificate of Deposit and Intercourse?
A: A Certificate of Deposit has significant penalty for early withdrawal.