Pick-up Line - Birthday
I was telling a girl in the bar about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then, try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Apple iWatch Pro
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his new iWatch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I work for Apple and I'm testing the new iWatch Pro." The intrigued woman says, "iWatch Pro? What's so special about it?" "It has new sensors and sends messages to me through my wrist" he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
I've Changed My Mind
This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch. He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I'm busting to have a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind these bushes?" She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!" "No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."