When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?
If Sex Were Fast Food
If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.
Good Steak and Good Sex
Q: What does a good steak have in common with good sex?
A: They're both very rare.
Price for Food
Three drifters are roaming the countryside for some time. They come upon a small farmhouse with crops planted around it. They are very hungry, thirsty, and tired so the first guy suggests they steal some food. The second says they should ask for food, so he then goes up and knocks on the door and an old, ugly lady answers. He asks for food and she agrees - but only under one condition. They must have sex with her. The first drifter says no, the lady is too ugly, and goes back into the woods. The third guy is very hungry and agrees. He enters the cottage and goes into a corner near a pile of corn to transact his business with the old lady. The old lady is ready, but the guy says he'll only do it if she's blindfolded. So she puts on a blindfold and bends over. Quickly the guy grabs an ear of corn and sticks it inside the old lady, then throws it out the window. The woman says, "Again," and the man does the same thing. Satisfied, she gives the man some food and he leaves. As he is walking out of the farmhouse, he comes upon the other two guys. "Guess what?" the first guy says, "while you screwed that old hag we found two ears of cream corn!"
Join the Biker Club
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?" The little old lady said, "Yeah, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady said, "Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker was impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."