Irish Compassion

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish accent:
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake. When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our five hour flight.
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

Paddy the Puddy Cat Sitter

One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.
"Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat"
"No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time."  
So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida.  However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy.
"Everything's ok over here" Paddy said.  "Except you're cat. It's dead!"
"Oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy!"
"What do you mean?" replied Paddy. "Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree.  The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down.  On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree and had to be taken to the vets because of a broken leg.  Then on the fourth day you could have told me that it died peacefully in the vet clinic," explained O'Leary.
So paddy apologized and another week went by.  One day O'Leary got another phone call.  It was Paddy again.  "All right O'Leary," he said. "Everything's ok here, except your ma -She's climbed the tree and refuses to come down!"

Shamus's Obituary

Shamus opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. Furious, he quickly phoned his best friend Finnegan.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Shamus. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finnegan, "...where ya callin' from?"