Alcohol Jokes

Good Reason

The angry wife met her husband at the door the morning after her husbands golfing Christmas party. His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she barked, "There is a very good reason for you to come drifting in at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Cheater Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Whiskey Jokes) , Holiday Jokes (Christmas Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Tried That Once

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it." So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?" But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it." The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son." The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."

Categories: Bar Jokes (Walks Into a Bar) , Alcohol Jokes , Drug Jokes , Word Play Jokes
Anonymous

The Wedding Is Off...No On

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. "The weddin's off," he shouted, "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and approached him. "What's the problem?" he asked. "Someone stole a keg of beer, and some bastard fucked the bride!", exclaimed the father. The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers. A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked "What happened to make you change your mind?" Grinning sheepishly, he replied, "Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg of beer."

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes , Relationship Jokes (Wedding Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Beer Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous