Collecting For The Pool
" Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming pool." The dad replies "give him a glass of water!"
Dogs And Cats
A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom. "What's a bitch and a pussy?" "Well," Mom says, "a bitch is a female dog and a pussy is a cat." The boy thinks to himself that this doesn't sound right since the other kids were calling each other that. So he goes to Dad. "What's a bitch and a pussy?" Dad pulls out his Playboy and opens it to the centerfold. He draws a circle around the woman's pussy. "Now that's a pussy, son! And everything else is the bitch!"
How Many People Work...
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent."
Russian Econ 101
A young boy goes to his father in Russia
The boy asks "Papa, could I please have 5 rubles" Papa is surprised and asks "20 rubles? Why do you need 50 rubles?"
"Hi Mom, it's me." "Hi Sally, are you okay? I thought you were with your father at the hardware store, looking for a drill." "Yeah, I was, but I got arrested and they've let me make one phone call, and that's why I'm calling you." "Oh my God, what happened?"
"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the face." "What on earth . . . Why did you do that?"
"Well, it really wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black and Decker. Mom, I knocked the shit out of her!"