Two men walk into a bar. First one says "I'll have an H20."
Second man says, "You know what? I'll have an H20 too."
The second man dies.
Shit In Hand
Q: What did the pollock say when he ran into the bar with a piece of shit in his hand?
A: Luck must be on my side tonight, look at what I almost stepped in.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel?" The pirate says, "Arrrr! It drives me nuts!"
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walked into a bar.
The brunette said to the bartender "I'll have a B and C."
"What's a B and C?" asked the bartender.
"Bourbon and Coke," replied the brunette.
"I'll have a G and T," said the red head.
"What's a G and T?" asked the bartender.
"Gin and tonic." replied the red head.
"I'll have a15," said the blonde.
"What's a 15?" asked the bartender.
The blonde rolled her eyes and said,"Duh, a 7 and 7."
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?" "Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money." "What are the three tests?" asks the man. "Gotta pay first." So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar. "OK, here's what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila -- the WHOLE thing at once -- and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her." "Well, I know I've paid my $10 bucks," says the man, "but I'm not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so much money -- that's impossible!" The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve. "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs. He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside -- barking, yelping and growling, then silence. Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body. "NOW," he says, "wherez at ol' lady with the sore tooth?"