I wish I was stronger so I could get the top off this bottle of steroids.
Yo Mama - Reported Stolen
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for?" She says, "I want to kill my husband." He says "Sorry, I can't do that." She then reaches into her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
December 18, 1992 - Michael J. Schmidt, 29, set up a hidden video camera at his home near Superior, Wis., because he had been burglarized several times and thought he could catch the culprits in the act. The burglars came back and were captured on tape, which Schmidt turned over to the sheriff. Among the items the burglars took from Schmidt's house was a box containing eight marijuana plants. Schmidt was charged with misdemeanor drug possession.
Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer
Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide! Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawl means certain death. Dihydrogen monoxide:
- Is also know as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
- Contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
- May cause severe burns.
- Contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
- Accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
- May cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
- Has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
CONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS! Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars in property damage in the Midwest, and recently California. Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
- As an industrial solvent and coolant
- In nuclear power plants
- In the production of styrofoam
- As a fire retardant
- In many forms of cruel animal research
- In the distribution of pesticides; even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical
- As an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products
Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer! THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED! The American government has refused to ban the production and distribution chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation". In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use. IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Act NOW to prevent further contamination!