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The best jokes and joke writers!

New Drug

Did you here about the pharmaceutical company? They developed a new drug that, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent and become a nun.

The FDA refused to license it, though. Seems it was habit-forming.

Wrong Road

My addiction to classical music led to me losing my job, then turning to drugs.

It was Bach, sack and crack.

Can't Shoot Weed

Q: Why can't you shoot up marijuana?

A: Because you'll get a budclot!

Second Chance

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, I'd like to give you a second chance. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday." On Monday, the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew a little circle in a big circle and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) I pointed to small circle and said, "This is your ass hole before prison....."

Yo Mama - Reported Stolen

Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.