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The best jokes and joke writers!

Top Signs You're an Alcoholic

  1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
  2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
  3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
  4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
  5. You fall off the floor.
  6. That damn pink elephant followed you home again.
  7. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
  8. Your career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

Bear and a Deer

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?

A: Beer
 

Atomic Cocktail

Q: Did you here about the new atomic cocktail?

A: One sip and you go out with a poof.

SOTALLY TOBER

starkle starkle little twink who the hell you are I think I'm not under what you call the alcofluence of incohol I'm just a little slort of sheep I'm not drunk like tinkle peepI don't know who is me yet but the drunker I stand here the longer I get Just give me one more drink to fill me cup 'cuz I got all day sober to Sunday up.

Al's Beer Ordering

Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down next to him. Joe tells the bartender, "I'll take a large beer." The bartender says, "Do you want dry beer with no aftertaste, or brewed beer with aftertaste?" Joe thinks about this for a minute. "Ah, give me the brewed." So the bartender gives it to him and he chugs it. "No, no," says Al, "Think manly! I'll have a dry beer." The bartender goes to fix it. "Why the dry?" Joe asks. "Well," says Al, "that way you can have one sip, and since it has no aftertaste, you can keep on drinking and forget you just had one!"