Feeling Sorry For Him
Two girls are having coffee when one notices that the other girl seemed troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious."
"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," she explained.
"Oh, that's too bad," the other girl sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him."
"Yeah, I am," she said. "he's going to miss me!"
Dear John, Take Me Back
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.
Blonde Cheating Test
A blonde wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she ran-out on him. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of their marriage and wasn't going to put up with him anymore. She left the note on the kitchen table and hid under the bed when she heard her husband open the garage.
Her husband came into the kitchen, saw the note and then wrote something on it. Immediately he started dancing and singing while changing into another pair of pants. He then called someone on his cell phone and said, "Hey babe the idiot finally had enough of me, she's gone, gone gone! I'll be over in 10 minutes! He then rushed out and drove off.
The blonde wife comes out from under the bed with tears in her eyes and reads what her husband wrote on the note. "I can see your feet sticking out from under the bed. I've gone to buy some beer."
An accountant decided to leave his wife one day. He left her a note saying, "Dear Jane, I am 54 years old and I have never done anything wild. So I'm leaving you for an 18 year old blonde model. We'll be staying at the Sheraton." He then packed his things and went there. When he arrived at the Sheraton, there was a message for him from his wife. It read, "Dear John. I too am 54 years old. I have followed your example and am staying at the Hyatt with an 18 year old Italian hunk. And I'm sure that you, as an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!"
Women and Tornadoes
Q: How are women and tornadoes alike?
A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.