Scottish Bar Robbery
A Scottish man heads for home after spending the whole night in a bar drinking. He was carrying his little Scotch bottle in the left shirt pocket just in case. Suddenly, a robber appears and threatens him with a gun. The Scot gets scared, and the attacker shoots, aiming towards his heart, and then runs away.
The Scot falls down, puts his hand on his left pocket and feels something wet. He cries, ''Oh my God! I hope it's blood!''
Open a Beer
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.
How Many Men?
Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None - it should be open when she brings it to you!
Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
Tried That Once
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it." So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?" But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it." The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son." The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."