We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

The Bird of True Love

Q: If the bird of wisdom is an owl, and the bird of peace is the dove, what is the bird of TRUE love?

A: The Swallow.

Appropriate Penance

A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3:00 and need a fourth...can you make it?" Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has to hear confessions and cannot make it. His friend urges him to get a substitute. Well, being the only priest in this parish, he hasn't many choices. As he ponders his dilemma, he sees the custodian cleaning the church. "Hey, Joe...can you help me out??" He explains his dilemma and asks Joe if he would hear confessions for him. "Oh, no I wouldn't have any idea what to do!!" "Joe, don't worry...I have this card, you see. When someone confesses their sin, you look on the card...find the sin...and follow it over to the appropriate penance...it's that simple...here comes the first penetant...try it!!" So Joe goes into the confessional and the first penetant comes in and kneels before the screen..."Bless me Father...I have sinned...I have had impure thoughts." Joe looks at the list...finds "Impure Thoughts" and orders: "Say two Our Fathers, three Hail Marys and go forth and sin no more." "Thank you, Father," replies the penetant.  Hey...this is easy!! The next one comes in. "Bless me father. I have sinned.  I have fornicated." Fornication...fornication...can't find it...oh there it is on the back. "Say 10 Our Fathers, 15 Hail Marys. and go forth and sin no more." "Thank you, Father." Then the third arrives. "Bless me Father, I have sinned.  I have had oral sex." Oral sex? Oral sex? It's not on the card! Joe is in a panic. He looks out and sees an altar boy getting ready for mass. "Pssst...Jimmy...c'mere!! What does Father O'Brien give for Oral Sex?" The boy replies..."A Snickers and a Coke. Why?"

Hind-lick Maneuver

A woman orders a chicken sandwich and starts to choke. People are running frantically, trying to figure out what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner whisper to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass. Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two homosexuals return to their food. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, that hind-lick maneuver really works!"

Someone Will Take Us Home

These two women went out for a night on the town and got sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing?" the other lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".

Cough Drops

This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. The girl shrugged and said, jokingly, "Cough drops," and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, "What are you doing here, m'am?" The woman pulled herself up to her full height oF 4'4 and replied, "Well, I can suck em, can't I?"