Open a Beer
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.
How Many Men?
Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None - it should be open when she brings it to you!
Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
Tried That Once
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it." So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?" But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it." The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son." The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."
Doctor: How many drinks do you have in a week?
Patient: I don't know, I'm an alcoholic not a fucking accountant