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The best jokes and joke writers!

Long Time Ago

The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex. "Oh..." he mused, "It was 1945." "Isn't that a long time to go without sex?" the doctor asked. "I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13."

Professional Acquaintance

A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening night of a musical.  A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body. She smiled and gushed, "Well, hello there Doc." and kept right on going. After a moment's pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, "Don't worry dear, that's just a young lady I know professionally." Without missing a beat, his wife asked, "Hers or Yours ?"

The Best Profession to Operate On

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first surgeon said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered."

"I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered."

The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable."

Boob Job Supplement

There was this girl who really wanted a boob job, so she went to see a plastic surgeon, Dr. Jones. Dr. Jones told her the cost would be $3500.00. She then told Dr. Jones she could not afford to spend that much, so he told her if she waved her hands like a duck quacking in front of her breasts daily saying, "Mary had a little lamb, her fleece was white as snow," her boobs would begin to grow. The next day she was on a bus and remembered she forgot to do the chant. She began to secretly do it, and while she was doing it, a gentleman turned around and asked her if she went to Dr. Jones. She then asked why? He replied with a hand motion moving up and down chanting, "Hickory, Dickory, Dock."

Looking for Work

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work". 
The German doctor says: "that's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work". 
The Russian doctor says: "gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work". 
The United States doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Five years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart and no balls and made him President. Now, half the country is looking for work!"