Word Play Jokes
Q: What did the salad say to the fridge?
A: Shut the door, I'm dressing!
Jumping On The Bed
Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
A: Put velcro on the ceiling.
Q: How do you get him down?
A: Blind fold two Mexican kids and tell them he's a pinata.
Found in a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me, for not rising
Hypnotist and Students in Auditorium
A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speaker system. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the sound of my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Pretty soon, he had every single student in the audience completely mesmerized, each one hanging on his every word. Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stage for a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And then he repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." As he turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his butt, and yelled "SHIT!"
Q: What did the one shepherd say to the other shepherd?
A: Let's get the flock out of here!