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The best jokes and joke writers!

Chilled Salad

Q: What did the salad say to the fridge?

A: Shut the door, I'm dressing!

Jumping On The Bed

Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?

A: Put velcro on the ceiling.

Q: How do you get him down?

A: Blind fold two Mexican kids and tell them he's a pinata.

Tombstone

Found in a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me, for not rising

Hypnotist and Students in Auditorium

A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speaker system. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the sound of my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Pretty soon, he had every single student in the audience completely mesmerized, each one hanging on his every word. Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stage for a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And then he repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." As he turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his butt, and yelled "SHIT!"

Shephard Talk

Q: What did the one shepherd say to the other shepherd?
A: Let's get the flock out of here!