Mario Mix

Q: How can you tell Mario is racist?
A: He's an Italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

The Italian

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma ma b*tch.Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy an atell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH! Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress she bring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock - She tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonnama b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch. So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go to toilet. So, I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed. He say you betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know manana he call me sonna ma b*tch! I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I say peace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!

Goofy Wonderings

• Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
• If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
• In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
• How come there aren't B batteries?
• If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?
• How do you throw away a garbage can?
• How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?
• What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
• Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?
• Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?
• What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?
• When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
• What happened to the first 6 "ups"?