Almost No Difference

"What's the difference between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the zookeeper.
"The principal difference is the North American species has a longer prick." This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo manager said,
"Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their pricks are just about the same size."

Dog Decisions

Q: Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger?
A: I'd rather have him chase the tiger.

Cowboy Lovin

A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner, he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. The cook pulled a cowboy aside and asked, "Did I screw up the cooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."