Dictionary Spelling

How do you spell elephant? E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t" That's not how the dictionary spells it" "You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelled it!"

Beer Nuts

Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
A: Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Dam Turkey

A preacher's wife goes to the butcher.
The butcher asks if she'd like to try some Dam Turkey. The preacher's wife is shocked. The butcher explains that "Dam Turkey" is the brand name of the bird and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo.
That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?" His wife says she bought some Dam Turkey from the butcher. The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home. She explains the "Dam Turkey brand name and their logo.
At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Turkey." The son replies, "That's the spirit Dad, now will you please pass me the 'f**kin' mashed potatos?"