Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer
One morning, a mama cow and her three baby cows were out grazing in the field. The first baby cow comes up to the mama cow and says, "Mama, why is my name Daisy?" And the mama cow said, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head." And the first baby cow trotted off, satisfied. The next day, they were all out in the field again. The second baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, "Mama, why is my name Tulip?" "Well, honey, when you were born a tulip fell on your head." And the baby cow was happy with that answer and continued grazing. The next day, they all went out into the field again to graze. The third baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, "GLUPHABABABLUGHARDTHYPOGHHH!!!"
And the mama cow said, "SHUT UP BRICK!!!"
Holy Men & A Lawyer
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," spoke the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door,and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asked. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!" That leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
Cows Night Out
Q: Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
A: To the moo-vies!
Q: How do cows do mathematics?
A: They use a cow-culator.