Texas Relief

Two Texans were having the Blue Plate Special at their favorite truck stop when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, sitting a few bar stools down from them, turning blue from the Armadillo burger she ate too fast. The first Texan said to the other, "Think we oughta help?" "Yep, reckon so," says the second. The first Texan gets up, walks over to the lady and asks, "Can you breathe?" She shakes her head, "no." "Can you speak?" he then asks. She shakes her head, "no", again. With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt, and starts to lick her on the butt. She is so shocked, she coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe again, with great relief. The first Texan turns back to his friend and says with a smile, "Funny how that Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"

Ooh La La

A couple is having an intimate dinner at Marea, New York's best Italian restaurant. Their server, standing a few tables away, watches as the guy slides all the way down his chair and out of sight. The woman across from him seems to not notice. The server comes over and says, "Excuse me, Ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman says, "No he didn't, he just walked in the door."

Ever Been To Texas?

A guy was attending a masquerade Halloween Ball, and dancing with a girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume. Suddenly she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor. "What the hell happened?" asked a friend who had witnessed the entire event. "I'm not really sure." the man replied, rubbing his red cheek. "When she asked if I had ever been to Texas, I put my finger on Amarillo to show her, and she let me have it."