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The best jokes and joke writers!

Russian, Mexican, Texan

A Russian, a Mexican, and a Texan are hanging out in a bar. The Russian tosses up a whiskey bottle and says, "We have a lot of these back home." The Texan tosses up the Mexican and says, "We have a lot of these back home."

200 Midgets

The flight was coming into Dallas when a combination of mechanical errors and unstable weather caused the plane to start plummeting to the ground!  The pilot feverishly worked his controls, and finally, the engines roared back to life in time to prevent the plane from crashing!  As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the disembarking gate and were stunned to see 200 midgets shakily get off the plane. Finally the crew got off the plane and the local manager of the airline came up to congratulate him on his perseverance under extreme odds.  As the official and the pilot were talking, the official commented how unusual it was that there were so many midgets on the flight. "Those weren't midgets," the pilot replied. "Those were Texans with all the shit scared out of them!"

Arkansas Fertility Clinics

Q: Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?

A: Sooner or later, they find a potent cousin.

Hunting Dog

A hunter in North Dakota was looking for a new hunting dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

Usual Suspects

Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they decide to cover the woman up.

The Cubs fan takes of his hat and covers her left breast. The Reds fan takes off his hat and covers her right breast. The Yankees fan takes off his hat and covers her crotch.

The police arrive. The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little book. He lifts the Cubs hat, looks underneath, sets it back down and writes in his little book. He lifts the Reds hat, looks underneath, sets it back down and writes in his little book. He the lifts the Yankees hat, looks underneath, starts to set it back down, stops, does a double-take, sets the hat back down slowly and starts to write in the little book.

The Yankees fan is upset by this. He asks, "What was that? Haven't you seen one of those before?" The detective replies, "You misunderstand. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I see an asshole."