There is an old colonial cemetery where the grave markers are flat. A man and woman sneak in there one night after a Halloween party to make love. The next day the woman is complaining of a terrible back ache, so she goes to see her doctor. The doctor asks her to put on a gown and examines her back but finds nothing wrong. He asks her how old she is, and she says 28. The doctor says that's interesting because it says on your ass that you died in 1784.
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
Drunks in a Cemetary
A drunk staggered into a cemetery on Halloween night and fell into a freshly dug grave. Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here," said the one in the grave, "I'm cold." The other one looked over the edge and said, "No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you."
A vampire bat flies back into his cave on Halloween night...he has blood all over his face. He perches himself on the roof to try and get some rest. But before too long the other bats smell the blood, and start to gather around him. They ask feverishly where he got the blood from. Knowing that they will not let up till he tells them "Okay, follow me!". He flies out of the cave, across a valley, over a river into a dark forest. Deep in the forest he stops, all the other bats gather round in an excited frenzy. "Okay", says the bat, "see that big oak tree over there?". "Yeah, yeah" reply the other bats, drooling in anticipation. : "Well I sure has hell didn't!" said the bat.
Yo Mama - Only Halloween
Yo' Mama is so ugly, yo' dad only takes her out on Halloween.