U.S. State Jokes
Q: Why did the NFL rule that the entire Patriots team was guilty in the #deflategate scandal?
A: Because all men would know if their balls were smaller than usual when they started playing with them.
Patriots Admit Guilt
Q: What did the Patriots say about #deflategate in their press conference?
A: The Patriots said it was true, they did deflate the Colts balls during the championship game.
UA Mating Call
Q: What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student?
A: "I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!"
Everyone in Hawaii is still mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.
Hawaii IS the early warning system.
New Yorker Traffic Summons
A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon, and he would have to return the next day.
"WHAT FOR?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared loudly "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The guy replied "I know, I'm just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!"