City Boy Hunting

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer. "It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy. "Oh, shit!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"

LOFT

Three men were out golfing with the club pro one day. The first man teed off and hit a dribbling ball about 60 yards. He turned to the pro and asked, "What did I do wrong?" The pro replied, "Loft." The next golfer teed off and hooked the ball into the woods. He asked the pro the same question. The pro again answered, "Loft." The third man teed off and sliced it into a pond. He too asked the pro, "What did I do wrong?" Again, "Loft." As they were walking down the fairway, the first man finally spoke up to the pro. "All three of us hit completely different tee shots and yet when we asked you what we did wrong, you gave the same exact answer every time. "So what does Loft mean?" asked the three men. "The pro shook his head and said, "Lack of Friggin' Talent!"

A Double Bogey

A man and his wife were playing golf with another couple. On the first tee, the man hits his drive pretty deeply into the rough and after finding his ball, realizes that a maintenance shed is immediately in his line of sight for his next shot. He's about ready to chip back into the fairway when the other guy playing with him says, "Wait a minute. If we open the front and back doors of the shed, you can hit your 2 iron low and go right through the shed."
After eyeing this for a moment, the first guy takes his 2, lines up, hits a nice low shot which caroms off the side of the shed, hits his wife in the head and kills her!
Needless to say, the guy was devastated -- so much so that he gave up golf. After several years one of his old golfing friends talked him into playing again, telling him he had grieved enough and should really consider playing golf again -- he loved the game and his wife would have wanted it that way.
So he did go out to play, and as luck would have it, on the first tee he hit into the rough right in front of the same maintenance shed. Again he was about to chip into the fairway when his playing partner, not the same guy as before, said, "Hold on. We can open the doors of the shed and you can hit a low ball right through it."
The guy looked a bit wistful for a moment and then said, "No, I really don't want to do that. I tried that shot several years ago and took a double bogey on this hole!"