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The best jokes and joke writers!

Baby Bear's New Living

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that baby bear was going to live with mama bear. Baby bear started to cry. "Whats wrong?" the judge asked baby bear. "I don't want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!" said baby bear. "Then, you can live with papa bear" said the judge. Baby bear started to cry even harder the judge asked him, "What's wrong?" Baby bear replied, "I don't want to live with papa bear he abuses me even more than mama bear does." "Then who do you want to live with?" asked the judge. Baby bear replied, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, because they don't beat anyone!"

Football Dog

Q:  Why didn't the dog want to play football?

A:  It was a boxer!

Football Coach

Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?

A: He wanted his Quarterback 

Tennessee Football Team

Q: Why does the University of Tennesse football team wear orange to all their Saturday games?

A: So that they can wear the same outfit to go hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday.

A Game of Animal Football

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."  He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play.

They went out to the field, chose teams and were ready to begin. The lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six .Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.

Late in the first half the lion's team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion's team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a pep-talk.  "Look you guys. We can win this game. We've got the lead and they only have one real threat. We've got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he's a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino."

The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino's team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede. "Did you do this?" he asked the centipede. "Yeah, I did." the centipede replied. The lion retorted, "Where were you during the first half?" Sheepishly he replied, "I was putting on my shoes."