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The best jokes and joke writers!

Ken's New Corvette

Ken is out on the interstate having an evening drive in his new Corvette. He decides to open her up and the needle jumps to 120 mph. Suddenly he sees a flashing red and blue light behind him. He thinks about outrunning the cops, accelerates for a few seconds, then comes to his senses and pulls over. The officer comes over to check his license. “I’ve had a tough shift,” says the officer. “And this is my last traffic stop. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before you can go!” “Uh , last week my wife ran off with a cop,” says Ken. “And when I saw your car I was afraid he was trying to give her back!” “Have a nice night,” says the officer.

Police Stop

A cop stops a miner for speeding on the highway.

COP: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?

Miner: mine

Knock Knock - Dishes

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Dishes.

Dishes who?

Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!

Throwing Away Garbage

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there. Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, "Hey you, what are you doing?" "I have to throw this away," replied the tourist. "You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered. The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "dump all the garbage you want." The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers." Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" asked the tourist. "No. This is the American Embassy."

Hiding in a Tree

One day a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by the police. The girls decided to go up three different trees and hide. The brunette hid in the apple tree. The redhead hid in the lemon tree, and the blonde hid in the oak tree. The policeman went to the apple tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?" The brunette went, "meow." The policeman said to himself, "Oh, its just a cat stuck up in a tree!" Then he went over to the lemon tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?" The redhead went, "bark bark." The policeman said to himself, "Oh, its just a dog stuck up in a tree!" Then he went over to the oak tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?" The Blonde went, "Acorn, acorn!"