Hunting Trip Emergency

Two Virginia hunters, Bob and Fred, were going on a hunting trip. They get to where they wanted to be and started walking. After about a half hour of walking, they sit down and take a rest. Bob says to Fred, "I'm not feeling to good." Fred says, "Well, we can walk back to the truck." Bob says, "Yeah lets do that." So they start walking. About 15 minutes into the trip, Bob falls over. Fred panics and calls 911. The operator answers and says, "911, what's your emergency?" Fred says, "My friend fell over with a heart attack, I think he's dead, what do I do?" Operator says, "Well first make sure he's dead." Fred says, "Ok." The operator listens and hears a BANG!!! Fred gets back on the phone and says, "Ok. He's dead... now what?"

Got Balls?

Bill O'Reilly calls President Obama and asks him what he’d like most for the holidays. “I couldn't possibly accept gifts in my position,” said Obama. The TV host insists and said he could ask for anything, no matter how big or small. “Well,” said Obama, “If you insist I suppose I could accept a dozen Titleist Pro V1's. My game is off and lately I seem to be loosing my balls."  A month later the President is watching TV when the O'Reilly says, “A while back we asked a number of world leaders what they’d like most for the holidays. Francois Hollande said he’d like universal peace. Angela Merkel said she would like prosperity for the world’s poor. And President Obama said he needed balls.

Stand your Ground

Q: What did one skunk say to the other skunk when the hunter came over the hill with a gun?
A: Let us spray.