12 Perks of Being a Female

1. We can get a day off from male bosses just by hinting at "female trouble."
2. When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We get free drinks just for showing up.
5. Condoms don't make us lose sensation.
6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
7. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
8. We can talk to men without picturing them naked.
9. Occasionally, chocolate really can solve all our problems.
10. Gay men don't make us uncomfortable, unless they're better dressed than we are.
11. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
12. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

Small Prick

True story: About a week ago, I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile.  My nurse for that first night was a very nice 50 year old lady with a strong German accent. At one point in the middle of the night, she came in to give me a shot of morphine. She asked where I would like the shot and I pointed to my right thigh. I slid my blankets down and she lifted my gown. With my gown raised, she uttered the words, "Okay, small prick," and proceeded with the injection. I'm still not sure whether her words were meant to warn me of the upcoming pain or as an editorial comment.

Male Brain More Expensive

One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor there was showing them brains from real people and telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking they knew why. One of the women said, ''Well, why is that, sir?'' The doctor answered, "The men's brains cost more, for they have never been used."