Busted

Caught my wife having sex with my best friend.
She can pack her bags and get out and he's going back to the dog shelter.

Closet Time

Q: Why are gay men so well dressed? 
A: They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

        The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"
5. The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"