Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
A substitute for a Catholic priest is hearing confessions. He is confused about what to recommend a confessor should do to rectify guilt sustained, after doing a sexual favor for her boss. He sticks his head out of the confessional and asks a nearby alter boy what the father gives for a blowjob. The alter boy responds, "Usually a Snickers and a ride home."
Knock, Knock, Knock
It's the day after Halloween and these kids are still knocking on my door.
When are they going to learn that they're not getting out of the basement?
The Molester in the Woods
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
A redneck brings his daughter to the gynecologist for birth control pills. The doctor asks, "Is your daughter sexually active?" The redneck says, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother."