Father Sets The Bar
A father and son were on a fishing trip when the dad pulled out a beer. "Can I have one, Dad?" "Can your d**k touch your a**hole?" "No." "Then you can't have one." The dad took out a cigarette. "Dad, since I can't drink, can I smoke one?" "Can your d**k touch your a**hole?" "No." "Then you can't have one." On the way back, the dad bought two lottery tickets, one for his son and one for him. The dad won two dollars and the son won $500. The dad was surprised and a bit jealous. "You're going to share that with me, aren't you, son?" "Can your d**k touch your a**hole?" "Yes." "Then go f**k yourself."
It was my birthday and my dad and I where driving on the highway when we saw a terrible accident. My Dad said, "This is the worst accident I've seen in 20 years!"
Well, yeah, it was my 20th birthday.
My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die
"Usually an overdose", I said
Learning a Lesson
A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever -- the one you have been toiling on for ten years -- in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!"
His father frowned, and scolded his son, "I did not say that it would go on forever, son. I said that it could go on forever. When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, didn't it ever occur to you that I was billing by the hour?"
A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad.
"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you reckon so?" he asked.
"Why, that's because your from Kentucky son." The dad responsed.
The next day the kid gets home from school.
"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you reckon so?"
"That's because you're from Kentucky son." The dad tells him again.
The next day the kid busts through the door.
"Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?"
The dad looks at him and says, "No that's because you're 22."