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The best jokes and joke writers!

You'll Go Blind

Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However, one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad already seen him.

"Billy," said his dad, "doing that will make you go blind"

"Dad," he replied, "I'm over here!"

State your Name

A guy gets pulled over for speeding and the officer said, "What's your name son?" He replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The Officer looked at him suspiciously and said,  “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The guy replied, “No sir, my dad has a stutter and the guy who filled out my birth certificate is an asshole.”

Explaining Poo

A little boy asks his dad "Where does poo come from?" His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up.

"Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo."

"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"

Kentucky Kid

A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad.

"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you reckon so?" he asked.

"Why, that's because your from Kentucky son." The dad responsed.

The next day the kid gets home from school.

"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you reckon so?"

"That's because you're from Kentucky son." The dad tells him again.

The next day the kid busts through the door.

"Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?"

The dad looks at him and says, "No that's because you're 22."

All Aboard

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!"