One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
Dad Joke - Oldest
Dad: "You ask too many questions. Just like your older brother used to."
Me: "But... I'm the oldest."
A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad.
"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you reckon so?" he asked.
"Why, that's because your from Kentucky son." The dad responsed.
The next day the kid gets home from school.
"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you reckon so?"
"That's because you're from Kentucky son." The dad tells him again.
The next day the kid busts through the door.
"Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?"
The dad looks at him and says, "No that's because you're 22."
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!"
A Fortunate Coincidence
John: "I'm glad you named me John."
John: "Because that's what all the kids at school call me."