It's Bedtime

The bride lay in bed on the first night of their honeymoon while her husband stood at the bedroom window, gazing at the stars. "Come to bed, darling," she whispered after some time had passed. "Not likely," replied the blonde groom, "my mother told me that this would be the best night of my life and I'm not going to miss a minute of it."

Baby Names

Went to the doctor with Depression. People say I'm cruel for naming my daughter that, but my wife said we should name her after the state I was in when I heard the news.
Turns out she meant Georgia.

Well, How Do I Look?

The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The "How Do I Look" Question

1. "That's a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago."
2. "I ain't seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town."
3. "Uh-uh, the last time I answered that question, I went temporarily blind."
4. "Ssshhh, the games on right now... go look in the mirror, that's what its there for!!"
5. "Oh man, I'm gonna lose my lunch."
6. "Like the girl I was with yesterday."
7. "Like someone in dire need for some liposuction."
8. "Well, if I close my eyes, just like my previous, prettier girlfriend."
9. "How can I put this... MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"