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The best jokes and joke writers!

Witches Cat

Q: How do you get milk from a witch's cat?

A: Steal her saucer!

Cat Facts for Cat Lovers

  • An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
  • Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.
  • At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.
  • Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
  • Cat rule #1: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
  • Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough.
  • Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
  • Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
  • Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.
  • Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.
  • Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
  • Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.  Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.
  • Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
  • Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
  • I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.
  • I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.  
  • In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.
  • On the Internet, nobody knows you're a cat.
  • One cat just leads to another.
  • People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.
  • Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
  • There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
  • When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue.
  • You can always tell a cat, but you can't tell him much.

Cat's Christmas

Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?

A: Santa Paws !

Tropical Christmas

Q: What do tigers sing at Christmas?

A: "Jungle Bells".

Cat Mix

Q: What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?

A: A sour puss.