Quirky Couple

A young couple decided to wed.  As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.  The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I'm deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said, "But you see, I have very smelly feet and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."  "No problem," said dad, "All you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed."  Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.  "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."  "Honey," her mother consoled, "Everyone has bad breath in the morning."  "No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me."  Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."  "I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.  "Not a word," her mother affirmed.  "Well, it's certainly worth a try," she said.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later.  Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"  "Oh, my," he replies, "You've swallowed my sock!"

Bank Robbery

 A hooded robber burst into a North Dakota bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave North Dakota customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him too. Everyone in the bank, now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" There are a few moments of complete silence in which everyone was too afraid to speak. Then, one old Norwegian named Ole from North Dakota tentatively raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you."

Masturbation

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A:  Because they want to have sex with someone they love.